I always thought I would be stronger than this.

Today I had physical therapy.

I went in, determined. But very scared. My health insurance is quickly running out and I will have a update on that later this week.

I could barely keep my balance. Again, scary. I did the best I could.

I am worried about my ability to contribute to the community. I am trying, the best I can, while focusing on my healing.

I am tired of hearing about how I should be better by now. I am not better. I am working towards it, but it is not happening quickly. It is not as simple as physical therapy, doctor appointments and trauma therapy. It is horrifying. For everyone who has helped me, thank you. But, time is running out for me. I have to take care of everything. I have to get rest to heal and take steps to getting to healing.

This is not something I want to explain right now. But is important for me (and anyone else who has experienced such a thing) to take it carefully. Fight for yourself when and where you can. These are important steps. I am learnining about this now.
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The sad thing is...There is a level of being uncertain. There is a level of always being afraid, and that will never go away. That feeling of being un-certtain will happen  for the rest of your life.  It doesn't mean you (or me) will not heal. But it means the things that happen to us stay with us.

It means we have to do a little more to support one another. It also means we have to be fighters. Fight against people who have hurt us, work-[laces that have not treated us with respect.

It is important to understand that with healing, comes truth. One will see who their true friends are. One will see how to move forward, even if there isn't anyone around.

I am lucky to have people around, but a lot of people did not reach out. Even when I am lonely. But, the people who have always been good to me have checked in on me. And I appreciate that more than anything.

All my love to you, even those who don't really deserve it. I am a loving person, but this trauma has made me realize who I truly can trust and count on.