Wide Awake & Dreaming

GFM

I want to give a huge thanks to several people. I asked for hats and so many of you came to my assistance. 

Megan R made the first hat in the photos (as well as 2 others in different colors). She hand-knitted them, despite being a busy Mom with lots to do. They are all incredibly soft and fit over my big ears. They are beautiful and I am so glad to call her my friend since we were 14 or so, even if we lost touch for a bit. She has shown so much love and support. Thank you, Megan. 

The second hat is from Augustus P and his friend. The hat is huge and I love it so much. It is soft with beautiful colors - also handmade. The only problem with it is when I put it on, I just want to curl up and sleep. It keeps me so warm! Augustus has truly inspired me and has been a constant support to me, even before my assault. He is a gentle, kind and loving person and I am so fortunate to have him in my life. Even though he doesn't really like snow, I appreciate his snow photos he sends to me (I like snow). Thank you, Augustus.

The third photo is from Mr. McQueen. I have known him off and on for several years and he has always been so very kind to me. I received this hat and he did not put his name on it, so I just found out who it was from. He travels a lot, so I don't always get to keep up with him, but I love this hat. I kept it in the box he mailed it in because I wasn't sure who it was from so I wanted to thank the person before I wore it. Thank you, Mr. McQueen. 

The fourth photo is me, well, bald-ish. I rather enjoy it now, even though the stares, I still enjoy when I am not wearing a hat. I don't wear hats to "cover up". I wear hats because I am cold. Sometimes, I just need to feel some warmth (when it isn't raining in NC, which is never). Chelsey B has been cutting my hair for many years. After the assault and head trauma, I had "cradle cap". This is something that happens with babies. Dry scalp. I didn't have much hair to begin with, so it was very liberating to just say "screw it" and get my head shaved. Cleansing. The wounds are healed, physically, in the back of my head, but I like keeping it tidy back there. Chelsey does that - kindly, with a gentle hand and very nice conversation. Thank you, Chelsey.

Thank you to my wonderful therapist and team of doctors who are providing me with the help that I need. Thank you to my family who have provided immense support. Thank you for all of you who send cards and letters,  The Gilson Family, John R, Richard Y, Emily B, and everyone who I have not mentioned...Thank you.

Somewhat pictured are some little silver hoop earrings. I am not sure who sent me these, but thank you. I have not worn earrings in well over a year, but it was nice to do for a few hours.

I am thankful for  the things that you all have provided and continue to provide. I still have love in my heart, even when I don't want to. I still have hope. I have faith that not everything is terrible. There are bad days. There are good days. I am looking at today as a good day, which may turn into a bad day, but setting the right expectations is what I think is needed. For everyone.

My love to all of you.

**Take care of yourselves tomorrow as the ACC games are happening. If you drink, please stay safe. Find a safe way home or do not drink at all. Stay aware of your area and the people you are with. I know many people say this, but I am saying it as a person who was assaulted, while sober in a downtown area.**