"Get stronger, already."

Almost one year ago, as of yesterday, I was brutally assaulted.
It has been almost one year.

There are so many things that have gotten better, physically, but so many things that I panic over. When will I be able to walk properly? When will I be able to keep food down? When will I be able to sleep normally? When will my life go back to something like it use to be?

Many of you think I should be "better" by now. It's been a year. Aren't you "tough enough" to get better. I'm not. Not yet. I am doing everything I can do get physically and mentally stronger, but after something like this, it's very hard. I can't stress about how much your help means to me.

Everyday is a chore. I have constant worries. When will I be well enough to get a job with money quickly running out? When will I be comfortable being in public? When will I be able to get in and out of the bathtub without fear of busting my head or just falling in general? When will I be able to not throw up 5+ times a day? It's scary, but I also refuse to let people tell me that I should be "better" now. I will never truly be better. physically, yes, but mentally, no. There will always be a piece of me that is scared. Lonely. Worried.

I was going to post the photos I (somehow) took after the assault, but I couldn't bare to look at them again. I am pretty sure none of you would want to see them, either. They are scary. There was blood all over my sidewalk where I fell trying to get into my house. There was blood where I passed out where I finally got into my house safely. To this day, I still have no idea how I got home on my own or how I ran so fast after being hit.

I will always have this scar on the back of my head. I will always have these scars on my knees and arms. I will always have this worry, but I hope and pray that the worry will subside at some point.

Remember to love one another, even if you don't want to. Remember to stay safe. Remember to keep the people you love close, always. Everything can change in a brief moment.

My love to you all.