I'll be a Light

Today I hit the ground running.
And by running, I mean I got out of bed after not sleeping. Taking my vitamins. And then talking to one of my best friends. He nudged me. Got me going. Told me that I could get it all done.
I over-booked myself. Which means too many doctor appointments in one day. I write them down. And then I forget. But, somehow, the little stubborn person in me says "WE ARE DOING THIS".
What I did yesterday I can't talk about yet. But it was cleansing, brought a closure that was long needed.
What I did today was also cleansing. I had physical therapy (which is really awful, though I know it is part of recovery and healing). Part of any healing is knowing that, well, it's going to suck. It hurts. It reminds one of assault. It reminds one of being previously healthy. If one was not previously healthy, it reminds one of all sorts of things. For me, it reminds me of the strength I had. The strength that is gone (for now, but will return).
I have spent the last few days in a sense of mourning. A sense of loss. So I've allowed myself to feel that, not feel guilty for crying. Not feel guilty for not wanting to pick up my water bottles. Not feeling guilty about wearing my "comfy socks" two days in a row.
But, today, I did important things. I did things to heal myself physically. I did things to heal myself mentally. I have found a safe place to help me (other than my trauma therapist) that was incredibly helpful and kind. If you would like information on this place, feel free to message me. They are very safe. But I do not want to disclose their location. If I don't personally know you, I can provide you with a phone number that is helpful.
Again, thank you for everyone who is supporting me during this time. Your support does not go unnoticed, even if I cannot respond just yet.
My love to all of you. Stay safe. Stay aware.
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